Breathe
by kerrykhat
Summary: He hadn't planned on ending it with Buffy this way. If he looked back on it, he hadn't planned on having that relationship in the first place." Sequel to "What I Didn't Say."


**Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural, Buffy, or Breathe. They respectively belong to Kripke, Whedon, and that girl who Kanye interrupted. I own my pen and paper. I deal.**

**AN: This is a sequel to "What I Didn't Say."**

No matter how much Dean Winchester tried, he couldn't erase the image of Buffy's face when she realized he was leaving her from his mind. She had tried to put up a stoic mask, but he had seen through the cracks and saw the hurt and resignation underneath, and it cut him to the core. Again and again, despite how hard Dean tried to focus on the night-shrouded road ahead of his Impala, the ghostly face would surface, tragic and accusatory.

He hadn't planned on ending it with Buffy this way. If he looked back on it, he hadn't planned on having that relationship in the first place. He had been in Cleveland on a job when he had met Buffy Summers in a bar. One thing lead to another, and he found himself spending the night in her tiny apartment. They hadn't meant to see each other again, but the case had taken longer than expected and he found himself asking her on a date.

"_So, now that your business is done here, do you have any plans?"_

"_Depends on you, sweetheart. Depends on if you want to see me again_." She had given him that damn bright smile of hers, and he was instantly lost. The smile had been all that he needed to know that she wanted to see him again, and it had been a losing battle to not fall for her ever since. Even when they were screaming at each other over one thing or another, all she really had to do was flash that smile of hers at him, and he would be fighting every instinct of his not to cave to her.

_I see your face in my mind as I drive away   
'Cause none of us thought it was gonna end that way   
People are people and sometimes we change our minds   
But it's killing me to see you go after all this time _

Frustrated with the silence in the car, Dean flipped on the radio, desperate for noise to distract him. "Shit," he swore under his breath as the first song that came on was some sad country song that was all the rage in Ohio. With this music playing in the background, and the rain providing the depressing atmosphere, he felt like he was in some chick flick gone sour.

For the first time in a while, he looked at the road in front of him and felt at a loss at what to do. Cleveland, and Buffy, had been his home base for the last few months, and now that he was on the road again, it felt almost unnatural, even though he had been doing this for most of his life. Although he hadn't realized it before, he had started to picture his life with Buffy in it, not merely as a one-night stand as the other girls in his life had been.

"Damn it, Buffy," he muttered under his breath, even though his heart wasn't in it. He was as much to blame for this mess as she was, and he knew it.

_Music starts playin' like the end of a sad movie   
It's the kinda ending you don't really wanna see   
'Cause it's tragedy and it'll only bring you down   
Now I don't know what to be without you around _

"_If you're so unhappy, then why are you still here?"_

If she had never uttered those words, would he have left anyways, or would he have stayed and tried to see this thing through, even going as far as to tell her his secret? Would Buffy have accepted him, knowing what he did while he was away from her, or would she look at him like he was crazy and break his heart even worse than it was now?

Waiting for a stop light to change, he closed his eyes and brought up every memory he had of Buffy, from the way her eyes glinted in the light when she was mad at him, to the way her soft skin felt against his, to the faint scent of vanilla that clung like a spirit to everything she touched. Even though he hated to admit it, Buffy had been the one thing he could truly count on these last few months, and now she was gone. His breath tightened in his chest as he realized this and stared at the green light blankly for a few moments before continuing on his lonely journey.

_And we know it's never simple, never easy   
Never a clean break, no one here to save me   
You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand _

_And I can't breathe   
Without you, but I have to   
Breathe   
Without you, but I have to _

Dean had done his best throughout his time with Buffy to shield her from the things he hunted, even if it meant lying to her about where he was going whenever he would leave for a hunt. He was constantly afraid that somehow, his life with Buffy would become known to some demon son of a bitch, and she would be next on their kill list. When she had asked him how he had gotten his various scars, he lied, hoping to shield her from the truth. He should've realized it would be the beginning of the end right there.

His phone rang, briefly startling him. "Hello?" he answered, not recognizing the number.

"Dean, it's your dad," John said, his voice carefully neutral. He knew about Buffy, and had expressed his disapproval of Dean's actions numerous times through their phone conversations. It had been months since they had last hunted together, and Dean suspected it was because it was his way of letting Dean know how he felt. "How fast can you get to Seattle?"

"I can be there as fast as I can," Dean answered, mentally going over which state line he had crossed. Fortunately, he was already heading west.

"Good," was John's only answer, and he hung up unceremoniously, leaving Dean alone once again with his thoughts.

_Never wanted this, never want to see you hurt   
Every little bump in the road I tried to swerve   
People are people and sometimes it doesn't work out   
Nothing we say is gonna save us from the fall out _

Dean handled the job in Seattle, and had intended to stay away from Ohio as much as possible, but his father sent him right back there with a new job. Fortunately, the town he was working in was hours away from Cleveland, and probably the last place Buffy would ever find him. To his surprise, Cassie Robinson quickly became a part of his life. Maybe she was a rebound relationship, maybe she was something else, but he was determined not to repeat his mistakes with Cassie.

One day though, as we was walking through town with Cassie after her classes were done for the day, he thought he glimpsed Buffy out of the corner of his eye, along with one of her friends, Faith. Doing his best not to look like he had seen her, he stole another glance, but Buffy was gone and Faith was giving him the evil eye. Deciding it was just a guilty mind making him see things, he continued walking with Cassie, pretending like nothing was wrong.

_And we know it's never simple, never easy   
Never a clean break, no one here to save me   
__You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand_

_And I can't breathe   
Without you, but I have to   
Breathe   
Without you, but I have to _

That night, sleep was elusive. Raising his head, he growled slightly when he saw the alarm clock flash 2 a.m. Realizing that sleep wasn't going to be coming that night, he gently extracted himself from Cassie's bed and went into the living room to be alone with his thoughts.

He missed Buffy more than he realized. Cassie was nice, but compared to him, she was still incredibly young, while Buffy had a maturity beyond her years when situations called for it. Even though it had been a couple of months since he had walked out on her, the pain felt just as fresh as it had that night. Buffy had been more than a girlfriend or a one-night stand; she had been a friend, only he hadn't realized it at the time.

_It's two a.m., feelin' like I just lost a friend   
Hope you know it's not easy, easy for me   
It's two a.m., feelin' like I just lost a friend   
Hope you know this ain't easy, easy for me _

He tells Cassie the truth the next day, partly to try and avoid the mistake he had made with Buffy, partly to see how Cassie would react. Her reaction—throwing him out of the house—made him realize one crucial fact about his life. He could never have the normal relationship that he wanted, the type of relationship he knew Sam had with that girl over in Palo Alto.

Driving away, he vowed never to return to Ohio if he can help it. The state has given him nothing but heartache, and he needs to get his head together. Doing his best to ignore the pain in his chest, he drives down south to a job he had discovered in New Orleans. That's what he needs to distract him from all of his: booze and southern girls. He can go back to they way he was before he met Buffy and do his best to forget about the brief moments of happiness he had with her, even if he knows it will be all but impossible.

_And we know it's never simple, never easy   
Never a clean break, no one here to save me, oh _

_I can't breathe   
Without you, but I have to   
Breathe   
Without you, but I have to   
Breathe   
Without you, but I have to _

It was winter before Dean returned to Cleveland on a whim, doing his best to stay away from places where he thought Buffy might go. He knew that she had moved out of the old apartment they had shared and into a room in that school that she worked at. He couldn't help himself, however, and he drove by the complex and parked the Impala across the street. The windows were empty and dark, almost as if no one had lived there since Buffy left.

Looking into those windows, he could almost picture the two of them moving about the space, talking, laughing, kissing, arguing, living in that space like he had never left. He also saw Buffy standing at the window alone, willing him to come back to her and not to leave, her heartbroken face shadowed by the imaginary light behind her.

"I'm sorry, Buffy," he whispered, shoulders hunched against the biting cold. "I'm so sorry." He didn't feel a damn bit better for going all chick flick, but he wondered if she could hear it wherever she was. "Take care of yourself, Princess," he added with a small smirk, thinking of the trouble she might get into without him to look after her. Sparing one last look at the place where he had been happy, at least for a little while, he got back inside the Impala and drove away.

_I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry   
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry_


End file.
